Ask the Pastor

By Pastor Scott Denham of Harvest Fellowship, Shambaugh, IA

Clarinda Herald Journal Publication Date : 12/12/2007

Academy Q & A

As most in the area know, the Clarinda Academy is a sort-of school and halfway house for juvenile offenders. Below are 4 questions offered by the students.

1. "If God wants the best for us, why does he let us go through so much pain?"

This is a difficult question, for there are a number of reasons. Often God allows pain in our lives to reveal our need for Him. The book of Judges shows a pattern of Israel turning from God, then God allowing nations to oppress them, then Israel crying out to God in repentance, and finally, Israel experiencing the blessings of a restored relationship with God (Judges 3:7-11). It appears to me, that a pain-free world would be a self-centered world. For that reason, pain is necessary for man to look to God.

2. "I try to first think of others and to put their needs first, but my friends tell me I don't care enough about myself. Didn't God tell us to put others before ourselves?"

Because our natural tendency is towards self-centeredness, loving God first, then others, and finally ourselves, is God's order for developing authentic Christian love (Matt 22:37-40). I commend you for your attitude, because we live in a world that thinks you cannot love others until you first love yourself. Such an attitude is not biblical. However, if you are, in fact, neglecting your own basic needs, you should heed the advice of your friends.

3. "What can I do to strengthen my relationship with my family?"

First, respect and obey your parents. The 5th commandment, to "honor your mother and father," comes with a promised blessing (Ex 20:12). Part of respecting them is asking their forgiveness for the times you disobeyed or treated them badly (Matt 6:12). After that, words and actions that tell them you love them will go a long way. Many children have experienced reconciliation with their parents by keeping these simple commands.

4. "If I have to choose between my mom and my boyfriend, whom should I choose? What does the Bible say?"

The Bible says—we saw this in the preceding paragraph—that we are to respect and obey our parents. Your relationship with your boyfriend is not a covenental relationship, like marriage or the family. We must obey our parents at all times, until we marry (Mark 10:7)—or if, when obeying our parents would mean to disobey the Lord (Acts 4:19). For example, if your mom turns a blind eye to your stepfather molesting you, you must leave now and not look back. (The reader may be surprised to know this happens far too often.) If we must choose between obeying God or man, we must always choose God. That being said, be careful not to spiritualize your problem with your mom to justify disobedience. She did give you birth, and for all these years has put your needs ahead of her own. It is most likely that she loves you much more that your boyfriend does. If it's a coin-toss, choose your mom. By doing so, you've chosen God's way.

--Pastor Scott (www.askpastorscott.com)